Quietly Losing Control

I'm really into this soooong!

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:52:35 GMT

"Fix You" by Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Time to suck it up.

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 20:23:07 GMT

There's a point where you have to realize certain things.
I'm moving back to PA wednesday. Save some money. Boston ripped me apart.

Figuring I should update, it's been awhile

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:58:59 GMT

So it's my last semester. The work load is completely insane. I got an internship with my teacher, he's busting my ass, but I love it. I'm doing a lot of good work and getting a lot out of it.
My senior project is coming along. I'm going to dedicate my weekend to it. I'm designing an MS Center. It is a lot of work, but I'm really striving for it not to be a typical hospital type of interior. I know I can do it.
As for getting a job when I graduate, I'm a bit nervous. I figure I work for a little, and then to grad school for architecture. My goal is to get into Harvard. Now that is a super high goal, but there is no reason I can't try. I'm going to set my standards higher and hope for the best. Plus there are a bunch of other schools here that would be to my liking.
Until the end of the semester my life is close to being over. The portfolio show is the 3rd of August. I'm excited. I hope my parents can come up. I doubt it though with everything going on with my Dad. We shall see.

I'm Finally Numb

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 22:04:30 GMT

...
So please don't get me rescued

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 00:06:37 GMT

And we wait above a road.
We're turning to go home.
And the silence from the side of the car,
Tells me everything and how we are.
Cause there's no more trying to make this so right.
There's no more trying tonight.

And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if, I'm alone in your head.

I know something is wrong,
I just don't know what to do.
You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more,
I don't want to make this right.
I just want you to be true to me one time.

And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if I'm alone in your head.

Twelve days gone by, since I have saw you last,
I'll give this one more try,
I'll give it all my best, and, I'll ask
What could you be doing that is so much fun?
Without me by your side,
Without me by your side.
And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead,
And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back,
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,
Theres no more trying,
Theres no more trying tonight.

We'll never be the same,
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
We will never be the same,
Until you're done.

"Boston" By Augustana

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 21:45:40 GMT

Someone shared this song with me and I just thought it was beautiful.

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...

on another note all is well. i'll give a better update at a later date:)

Totally Forgot About This Song! <3

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 03:15:20 GMT

so long my friend, don't say goodbye
just give me one last kiss beneath this glowing sky.
we'll go walking through the park
and hang out in the rain.
tell a joke and watch me smile
as we drink away the day.

and know the next time that you
make a wish upon a star
I'll be wishing on the same one that you do
and every night I'm all alone
in some burn out highway town
I'll be thinking of the day that I met you.

hello again, it's been to long.
what happened to our love
since the last time I was gone?

I detach myself again
and lose something everytime.
the solutions in the problem
temporarily alright.

and know the next time that you
make a wish upon a star
that sometimes it might actually come true.
our conversation can't consist of hello and goodbye
and the silence between saying I love you.
and sometimes I wonder 'bout that too.

Stole it from Kirk. It's fun!

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 20:40:14 GMT

Just post anonymously; IP logging is off.

I want you to post anything that you want in reply to this entry.

Anything at all.

A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love, an opinion, a critique - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like.

Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.

oh yeah? OH NO!

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 03:54:21 GMT

I'm bored

Answer all of these questions with a lyric from a song.

1.) Are you male or female?:
"I want a girl with a short skirt and a looooooong jacket"
(Short Skirt Long Jacket-Cake)

2.) Describe your neighborhood:
"When this city life is dragging us down"
(City Life-Stroke 9)

3.) How do you look?:
"I know blue eyes get boring but, I'll wear dark glasses all the time"
(Sell My Clothes, I'm off to heaven- saves the day)

4.) If you could say something to the person you like, what would it be?:
"I try to talk to you, but words all come out wrong"
(The Girl In The Green Jacket-Bigwig)

5.) Where do you wish you were right now?
"Or we could simply pack our bags
And catch a plane to Barcelona 'cause this city's a drag"
(Holiday in Spain-Counting Crows)

6.) What would you say to your best friend?:
"So thank you friends for the time we shared. My love stays with you like sunlight and air."
(Method Acting-Bright Eyes)

7.) Any words of wisdom:
"Just hold your ground, and don't give up,in what you believe."
(Big Crazh-Less Than Jake)

8.) What do you wish you were doing right now?:
"How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind; hold memory close at hand, Help me understand the years.How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.How I wish I would save my soul. I'm so cold from fear."
(Tears and Raing-James Blunt)

9.) What do you think of drugs and alcohol?:
"Alcohol, my permanent accessory Alcohol, a party-time necessity Alchool, alternative to feeling like yourself Oh Alcohol, I still drink to your health"
(Alcohol-Barenaked Ladies)

10.) If you could say one thing to your enemy, what would it be?:
"there's no time for hating but what we hate we make"
(What We Hate, We Make-The Rocket Summer)

11.) What do you usually do on Friday nights?:
"It's girls like you that make me think I'm better off home on a saturday night with all my doors locked up tight"
(Last Chance To Lose Your Keys-Brand New)

12.) Are you for world peace?:
"Taken in context, It's not a bad thing, But when you start to pick it apart, It gets so depressed, It's that sort of thing, That makes you think too much, It's that sort of thing, Makes you lose your objectivity,"
(The Perfect Ending-Straylight Run)

13.) What do you think about school?:
"It's our chance to be who we are"
(Firefly Fields-Said Sadly)

14.) How do you feel right now?:
"Incase you haven't heard I'm sick, and tired of trying"
(Radio-Alkaline Trio)

15.) Any closing words?:
"Time Don't let it slip away Raise yo' drinkin' glass Here's to yesterday In Time We're all gonna trip away Don't piss Heaven off
We got Hell to pay"
(Full Cirlcle-Aerosmith)

Thank Heavens

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 18:19:43 GMT

Well my internet decided to do a not so fun thing, and just be a pain. But it's working now and I'm happy. Comcast actually helped, what a concept.
This weekend is going to consist of cleaning, packing, and reading. Maybe a few other things here and there. It makes me happy though.

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 01:31:03 GMT

UGH! seriously UGH! there isn't even anything else to say about it. I'm getting quite angered. The END!

La La La

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 20:10:27 GMT

I alphabetized my cds...it felt good.
I am Peanut sitting (Meaghan's cat) until friday. It excites me...I dont know why.
Gishy and Kristen were here earlier in the week. I had a crap load of fun with them! I hope they come back
I'm being completely random. I'm done

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 18:06:35 GMT

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Blah via Straylight Run

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 04:49:21 GMT

IT NEVER GETS EASIER
"Taking up my time again,
The one thing I can't stand,
The coffee and the conversation never ends when
All I really need to find,
Is one short clever line,
To pinpoint my disgust it's always just too much or not enough,
And I'm overwhelmed."

"So I'll keep it simple for obvious reasons,
And I'll say what I should and just hope you believe me,
But it never gets easier,
No it never gets easier"

A SLOW DESCENT
"A strong distaste for confrontation,
Leaves no room for self expression,
Such a stranger in me so docile,
Though don't you know it all takes its toll..."

"I'm tired.
Cynical and broken, but wiser.
Heavy with a sense of resentment,
but i used to be so much different,
I used to have so much faith"

THE PERFECT ENDING
"Taken in context,
It's not a bad thing,
But when you start to pick it apart,
It gets so depressed,
It's that sort of thing,
That makes you think too much,
It's that sort of thing,
Makes you lose your objectivity"

"So if you made it,
Just be glad that you did and stay there,
If you ever feel loved or needed,
Remember that you're one of the lucky ones,
And if it's over,
Just remember what I told you,
It was bound to happen so just...
Keep moving on,
There are no perfect endings"

ANOTHER WORD FOR DESPERATE
"Take it apart!
Let it all go!
Holding it back!
It's all just so..!
Why did I care!?
How did it go!?
Wait for awhile!
And I guess that...!
I won't be around here for to very long!"

MISTAKES WE KNEW WE WERE MAKING
"And all these lines fall short of what I had in mind,
A failed attempt to capsulize a feeling,
So I just try,
Fail and try and try again,
Someday I swear I'm going to get it,
Because I'm convinced that giving in is the worst thing there is"

YOUR NAME HERE (SUNRISE HIGHWAY)
"Cause after this mess,
I guess you bet,
That I'd collapse before you do,
Well maybe that's true,
Or maybe it's not at all"

IT'S FOR THE BEST
"And now faith is replaced with a logic so cold
I've disregarded what I was,
Now that I'm older,
And I know much more than I did back then,
But the more I learn,
The more I can't understand,
And I've become content with this life that I lead,
Where I drink to much and don't believe in much of anything,
And I lie to myself,
And say it's for the best"

NOW IT'S DONE
"Keeping a tally, but who can keep track?
Your overreacting is taking me back to a time better left alone"

"Keep a tight grip like a child holding onto a swing set,
Waiting and hoping to find what I can't figure out yet,
Please don't unless this is something to me,
Another nightmare instead of a dream,
Better left alone"

SYMPATHY FOR THE MARTYR
"A laundry list of problems,
Doesn't make you interesting,
And never getting help doesn't make you brave,
Not listening to reason doesn't mean that you have faith,
Your just cutting off your nose to spite your face"

sorry this is so long...

Guess I should update

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 21:59:54 GMT

Uh where to start...
-Darrell, Jess and I finally got our apartment! Darrell and I signed the lease today. Fucking rocks. Gonna be an awesome time.
-Got super angry today over the fucking gas bill...it better start working out or I'm going to be one angry Melissa
-I've been pretty sick the past few days, luckily I'm finally getting better.
-Bryan and Josh are coming up friday...should be a good time.
- Apparently I have a date coming up. Don't know when, or where, but it should be exciting haha
- Taryn is coming up in August...now that should be interesting.
- I took out all my piercings. They are all gone. I pussied out and put my eye brow back in a few days ago, but I took it out for good today. Time to grow up and all that good crap
- My dad had surgery yesterday again, I wish I could be home to be with him, but he's doing well so that's all that matters
- I've been in a wierd mood lately, not a good one, I hope I get out of it...not healthy
- I think I wrote enough...for now...The End

YAY

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 05:14:56 GMT

Pride is tomorrow. I'm excited. I've been trying to get the apartment looking nice since I've gotten back. It's coming along well. I don't really know what to write at the moment. I think I need sleep. The End

At School

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 00:46:34 GMT

Been here all day doing CAD stuff, with the exception of leaving to go to Meaghan's for a group meeting
Dan is getting a puppy and I'm going to visit him all the time! I can't wait.
Heather gave me pizza.
Taryn called:)
I called Taryn
I'm bored as hell
I need to go to walgreens
I think this is pointless and I'm going to stop

Time for an angry tangent

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 16:24:03 GMT

So I call my mom, and as soon as we start talking she decides to go on this tangent about how I should really come home for the two weeks after this semester to start my treatment at home. Why? honestly what's that going to do? Why not stay up here where the doctors are better and since I am going to be living my life up here for atleast the next year, why not start it up here. So apparently I have too much going on with other stuff, I am only focused on the apartment and all this other shit. What the fuck? Does my mother have any fucking clue to what I have to get done in the next two-three weeks for school? ANY IDEA? no I didn't think so. So she's trying to tell me how I'm feeling about this whole MS thing, she's trying to tell me how scared I am and how I really need to talk to people and I've made no attempt to do so up here. Well maybe I'm not ready yet. Does she realize this isn't her life long illness? It's mine and when I'm fucking ready to deal with it I WILL! I have a shit load of things going on right now, yes my health is the most important but I can't start the injections until this semester is over anyway. I'm fucking heated. I know she's trying to helpful and supportive, but when she keeps telling me I am only thinking one way and that I'm the one who needs to start thinking differently, well apparently if it's not her way it's not thinking clearly. I'm sick of this shit I have a lot of shit to get done today and she just totally fucked up my day.

March is the worst

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 04:45:15 GMT

I guess if I can make it through all of this...everything else will be ok...
But today isn't a good day...
everything aches...and tingles...even my heart.
I just wanna get better...

As expected...

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 21:22:41 GMT

This month is hell...

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

I FUCKING MISS HER:(

coal is the most abundant fossil fuel

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 21:49:51 GMT

This science paper may quite possibly be the death of me.

The dance hall crashers make me smile though....they make me shake my bum

The day of love, cupid, and hallmark

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 01:30:57 GMT

Another Valentine's day. Steph came home with flowers in her hand for me. I normally don't like flowers because they are so typical and die, but today I liked them. It wasnt because it was Valentine's day, it just made me smile, which is nice.

snow

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 20:27:24 GMT

"I Want To Hear You Sad"

these eyes they're strongly covered in disguise
they're waiting on the real time again
you'll see that no one knows for sure

for all of this
i'm better off without you
do you regret so
your loneliness

this ride is drifting slowly to the side
we're swerving off the road
going past the cones that warned us from the start

for all of this
i'm better off without you
do you regret so
your loneliness

for all of this
i'm better off without you
do you regret so
your loneliness

(every day goes, every night goes)
on and on we sing this song
the entire day that's oh so long
every night we sing this song for you

for all of this
i'm better off without you
do you regret so
your loneliness

for all of this
i'm better off without you
do you regret so
your loneliness

Well Then

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 13:45:28 GMT

So guess what, I'm done
Drawing you pictures.
I'm dulling the day with a drink
In a parking garage by the theatre .
We met for a movie.
Every scene was a sign.
We made out through their meaning.

props for the plain white t's

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 22:10:17 GMT

shit, i never really listened to these lyrics before. but damn...they are a-fucking-mazing. to me anyways

"A Lonely September"

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did